omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
