i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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