Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
