I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
