it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
