I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
