her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
