I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You dont lie about slip and slides
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
