he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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