i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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