Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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