He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
