That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
