At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
