why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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