The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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