She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
