It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
