i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You're like the curious george of whores
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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