i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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