U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Your cock deserves a montage
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
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