are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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