i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
