remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
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She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
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My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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