You just made me feel so damn special
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
