I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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