I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
