fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
