I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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