Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
They are going to name an STD after you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
