Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize