dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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