If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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