He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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