there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
