I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
