Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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