I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
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He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
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i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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