I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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