the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
