Porn is love you can see.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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