He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just invented taco cereal.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
