So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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