dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
