Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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