you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
