i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
