Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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