I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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