Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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