Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
