me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
