Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
