areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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