They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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