I just threw up on my dentist
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
