When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
