epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
