Christians are straight up FREAKS
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You need Xanax blowdarts
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
