Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
