I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
