have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
