I cannot find my penis.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
