How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
